Zellers hates Canada

The Toronto Star ran a game-changing piece of journalism on the state of Canadian flag displays in Zellers yesterday.

Apparently, a Zellers customer was offended by the presence of Halloween decorations in front of a Canadian flag on the wall. Apparently, that’s considered to be news these days. Best part is, not being one to deviate from the dictates of good journalism, the Toronto Star did its due diligence and consulted an expert for the article. In the case, the expert was Cobourg resident Jim Nicholson, a man who’s qualifications include: owning a license plate that says “IM CANDN.” Jim speculates that the Halloween-flag may not have been a mistake at all, but rather a calculated display of avant-garde commentary exploring the question of whether Canada is dying.

Faced with a public unwilling or unable to tackle such existential questions, Zellers has since removed the flag display to, “avoid confusion.” A statement that in itself may represent a metaphorical riposte.

Are we to believe that treating the flag with an almost religious sanctity is some kind of confusion on our part? Like our secular brains are reaching out for some kind of surrogate for the idol worship we used to enjoy in Church? Or going back ever further, maybe Zellers is asking us to consider the possibility that nationalism as a whole is merely filling the space in our minds that a real local community used to be.

Whatever Zellers is getting at, I for one think we should boycott them. I bleed (and occasionally piss) red like any other true Canadian, and if there’s one thing I hate it’s being titillated by displays that make me want to salute and buy Halloween products at the same time.

For shame, Zellers.

Posted: October 23rd, 2009 under satire writing - humor.